HERsay audio

I haven’t gotten the pictures from HERsay yet (the one and only Kevin Sharp took them and they will be fabulous but we haven’t gotten it together yet, he and I). BUT, I do have audio.

I turned on my phone recorder to pick up my “1984” story and turned it off right after. This story is NOT SAFE FOR WORK or small children and plants. It’s about dicks.

Weirdly, the recorded decided to spring back into action at some point in the show. Ever the team player, it stayed on for 20 hours recording some of the show, weird mumbling, and silence that I don’t listen to too closely for fear of hearing some ancient thing in my house.

The recording below is an improv skit that I did with my friends Halla Motawi and Chris Wagner. We called our troupe the Push Ups (#sorrynotsorry) and it was the first time we ever performed live. They are some funny chicks so I think you will enjoy it. I am the donut shop/bath salts/coffeehouse owner and Halla and Chris are the siblings.

The actual game is called Sentences. Prior to the show, we asked audience members to write political, feminist or just plain fun phrases or words onto file cards. We put the file cards into our bras and pulled them out at various points in the skit. You will know them when you hear them.

You Say It's Your Birthday? It (was) My Birthday, Too!

Decades ago, when I watched every single Kids in the Hall sketch (on videotape or DVD), there was a great bit called, “He’s Hip! He’s Cool! He’s 45!”

Haha! Oh that’s funny, I thought. I’ll never be that old! Hahahaha!

Yet here we are! As of 10:39pm on March 17th, I indeed became 45 years old (always been hip and cool IMHO).

Because I like my birthday, I tend to make it into a multiday celebration and coerce people into doing things with me! We started on Thursday with HERsay 2: We Got Somethin’ To  Say (I forgot to say it at the event, but that comes from Fuck tha Police wherein Cube goes, “Yo Dre, I got somethin to say”). It sold out a few weeks in advance but I still had a serious Brick Shitting Moment a few minutes before, terrified because a few seats were empty (they filled up though).

My dearest beloved friend Kevin took the pictures and I don’t have them yet but imagine me telling my story called “1984” (about dicks, cuz of course) and then doing improv with some super talented friends of mine. Something about a donut shop and a donut called “Tell Leviticus to Blow Me” and the “Dildo donut” that I lifted with both hands. I sort of black out when I’m up there and that’s all I really recall.

We had lunch at Ricewood BBQ on my actual birthday! Yummmmmmm! MEAT! Kevin remembered to take a picture luckily because I never do. There were more people there but they were getting MEAT and/or having meat shits somewhere.

Yes, I’m wearing a crown.

Then I got my free birthday coffee from Roos Roast and went home for a nap. Yum! Ken and some friends and I went to the old person’s dance party at Live. It starts at like 5 and goes until about 8 and is just an amazing blend of old timey Ann Arbor people. Everyone is super friendly and no one seems to care that I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld (a show I’ve never actually seen but I hear that I’m a lot like her character. I wish I was the actress in real life ‘cuz her grandpa was a billionaire. What would I be doing if I was a billionaire? Not acting or doing much else!)

It was icy and shitty and so Ken and I just got Blank Slate ice cream and came home. My mom came over on Saturday and then we had the bigger party at my second home, the Corner Brewery. Here are some pictures!

That swirly one is the best, truly. It looks like it is moving if you stare at it long enough, which I do!

The weekend was supposed to end with Puzzling (sort of happened) and Square Dancing (did not happen) but instead ending with Napping because I really enjoy napping. Ken had his gamer friends over and so they gamed and I napped. Then I went to our neighbors’ house for the usual Sunday dinner.

I don’t think I will live to be 90 but in case I do then I guess we are halfway there!

The positives:

  1. Certainly never did I ever think I would get one, let alone two, dudes to marry me! Finding a guy who didn’t want kids was always a challenge yet here we are! Ken seems in it to win so that is a positive!
  2. Never did I ever think that I would so fall in love with a town and have it (mostly) love me back. Did not think I would write two history books about it and have people seem to like them. Did not think I would write for several local publications and have people mostly like the articles except for a few people who are going to hate because #haters.
  3. Very pleased to be described as “local celebrity” even though I don’t agree–that title really belongs to Julie Weatherbee.
  4. Live in lovely Village in lovely Ann Arbor!

Horse is probably out of the barn on these ones:

  1. Getting a book deal that would set me up for life. No one gets “discovered”–it’s not a thing, people. The whole dream of the big life shattering book/movie thing has ran from the barn and is far afield never to be seen again.
  2. Getting back down to a size 9/10. That happened once in law school and unless we enter a time of famine, this horse is also far far away.
  3. Having a job like I did in Detroit where I was an extremely effective and loved classroom teacher. Those don’t really exist anymore.

Hey that’s really it for regrets! Those are the only three things really missing/that I regret so I guess that’s no so bad!

Thanks to everyone who celebrated my birthday with me!





Like that sliver of food in your teeth….

….I won’t go away.

Well, I did. Much of Ann Arbor did. After the election, we had a nervous breakdown. People weren’t answering emails, we were hiding, we were and are devastated and terrified.


We are back. Ken and I drove eight hours to the Women’s March in DC. It was an experience unlike any other. We stopped at a rest area in PA and half the place had pussy hats. I went up to a random table and said “SOLIDARITY! I’m from Ann Arbor!” and they said “Chicago!” and people started yelling out home states and towns. It was glorious.

We ran into pussy-hatted friends all over in DC, including at the hotel (dude noticed my sweet ass WEMU hoodie and that sparked the conversation).

Since then, I’m staying woke (been woke for a minute but still):
a) Starting a kids’ book about fallacies and how to fight them (some of my girls and I are on this. Indiegogo coming soon)

b) Starting an Ann Arbor area Algonquin Roundtable with my friend Jess.

c) Hosting Salons (Husband Ken, the introvert, is nothing if not a team player and is in this to win it!)

d) Co-organized, emceed and told at the Bad & Nasty Cabaret in Ypsilanti. Because fuck you, (not my) president.

e) We’re doing a thing again on March 16th. Cuz we got somethin’ to say: https://www.facebook.com/events/1431828436850662/

Fewer than 20 tickets remain, so buy early and often 🙂

We aren’t going away. We’re worse than that thing stuck in your teeth. We are the Resistance, motherfuckers.

More in Common with that Dumpster Fire

I realized that I have even more in common with Trump than the three things I posted last time. ARGH!!!!!

4) NOW I GOTTA DO A THING?!?! I love planning. It’s so delightful! I love signing up for things and agreeing to do things and volunteer? Why yes! I’d love to!

But then I gotta do a thing. And that sometimes sucks.

So I feel Trump on the way he wants to get out of this whole “being the president thing.” If I was similarly situated, I could totes see myself being “HELL YEAH LET’S RUN!”, figuring I’d have no chance to win. But then I’d win and be like, “Shit.” NOW I GOTTA DO A THING!

(pretend there’s a cute kitten picture here)

I had a similar thing happen years and years ago (pre-Meds, so don’t judge too harshly). I was doing legal aid part-time, teaching part-time, and then got called for an interview at a place I had applied to years before. The place was located in Ann Arbor and back then, I still had dreams of working where I lived. (This dream has long turned to dust as local districts are now rejecting me for jobs I didn’t even apply for. Seriously). So I went for an interview. The guy was kind of weird, but not creepy. Then I had a second interview and the other people were nice, even though the head guy was still a little off. Then I had yet a THIRD interview for a $10/hour, 20 hour per week job and I thought, “Huh. This is odd.” But they bought me lunch so why the hell not? Then I finally got an offer like a month and a half after this whole process started. I immediately accepted the offer because a) I had dreams then and b) I kinda wanted to make them employ me after all of the hoops they made me jump through.

(pretend there’s a cute meme here)

But then I realized SHIT I GOTTA DO A THING. I did not want to do this job. I did not want to work for and with the little weird guy. I also did not want to give up a $25ish/hour job for a $10/hour job, regardless of where that job was located. So I bailed in the least graceful way possible. (The guy read my former blog and I posted a blog post basically expressing viewpoints that were opposite of what the job would be and of course guy called me and said thanks but no thanks).

It was pre-Meds so please don’t judge too harshly

Point being, I got out of it with a blog post that I later deleted. This dude has appointed literal Nazis and people who want to destroy the departments they will be heading and we still won’t let him out of it. Maybe he should start a blog.

(pretend there’s a cute picture of a doggie wearing glasses and typing on a laptop here)

5) I don’t want to leave my hometown either. I hear that D don’t wanna leave the NYC. I feel you, brah. If I won president, we’d move the national’s capitol to Ann Arbor. #sorrynotsorry

My friends are here. They seem to like me here. I like the downtown and the Huron River is really nice. My couch is here, and it is quite comfortable. I like in this idyllic little condo place literally called The Village, and my neighbor has Sunday dinners. Why would I want to leave? We bring Capitol to me! My friends could all pick whatever cabinet post they wanted and we’d have a grand old time! Meantime, we could turn the White House into a homeless shelter and save some people.

(pretend there’s a picture of me in front of the WH Homeless Shelter, saving all the people)

This is Embarrassing but I have things in common….

…with Tr*mp. Other than the usual–we both poop, we intake oxygen at regular intervals, sneeze. But it goes beyond that. I’m not proud of this, but I feel him on some things, to wit:

1) I can hold a grudge. Did you piss me off in the third grade? I remember you! If we run into each other on Facebook, I will not accept your lame little friend request! Likewise, dum-dum seems to hold onto slights for an abnormally long period of time.

How can I fix this? This will be tough. The grudges feel my soul and keep me alive.

How does D fix this? Call up all of those people from high school, yell I’M THE PRESIDENT SORT OF KIND OF OKAY I DIDN’T REALLY WIN BUT I’M STILL GOING TO BE LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE FUCKERS. That’s what I would do. Will do, if I’m ever not-elected president.

2) I have a realllllllllly hard time letting go of things and people. Did I have a crush on you in high school? I probably still do! If you’re super lucky, you show up in a book! I’m too freaky-deaky shy to look you on up FB, but don’t think I’ve forgotten. Perhaps more sanely, I have a hard time letting go of friendships and thanks to social media, I am compelled to try to reignite friendships from years gone by. I always assumed I would be the big time author/lawyer/whatever (see previous post) and then swoop in to reintroduce myself to people, but social media came first. Fortunately for us all, as I said I am freaky-deaky shy and don’t randomly search for people because my stomach would get all tingly and my face all purple.

How can I fix this? I probably won’t. It’s pretty harmless.

How can D fix this? He has enough money to track down his high school crushes and enough money to pay them for things. Do it, get it done, move on son.  Since he has a “platform”, he can publish a book at will, too.

3) I used to lash out at people. Oh boy, this is a big one and really not something I ever thought I’d admit publicly. For much of my life, I had what one might call impulse issues. One could further take the hyperactivity test and find that while one does not have the “AD” part, one definitely has the “H” part. One might also be given tests to measure depression and anxiety and score off the charts. One might refuse to take the bipolar test because one has enough things on her plate, thanks, and I’m okay with where I’m at. But until those tests were taken by me (I’m back in 1st person, yay), I sort of limped along in life. I had/have a high IQ and can really focus when I like what I’m doing, so that got me along until my mid-20s when I was in a career that bored the shit out of me and required me to focus for long periods of time.

Okay anyway, so until then, I really lashed out at people without thinking. I found it charming when people who utter little bon mots at someone else’s expense. While it worked for Dorothy Parker, it most definitely did not work for me and I was neither making friends nor influencing people. Twitter wasn’t a thing yet (thank God), but I was very quick to shoot off emails and I went ad hominem way too quickly. I am not proud of this. I am forever thankful that I somehow reinvented myself into a nice person. I USE MY WIT FOR GOOD GODDAMMIT! Punch up, not down!

Point being, that I understand his knee jerk reactions. I do not in any way condone them, but I know it is hurtful when people say mean things or make fun of you on SNL or say you look like my dead aunt’s rotting corpse’s asshole. That hurts. Someone on the Internet once told me that she had seen my user pic and I was “not all that and a bag of chips”. That was completely unnecessary.

But here’s the thing I learned early in my Internet days and I think it’s a good motto for life: If you care that Joan from Iowa thinks you are an asshole, then the internet is not for you.

Here is a motto that I just made up: if you can literally start an international war, complete with the use of ICBMs, then the internet is not for you.

How can I fix this? Thankfully I already did, thanks to the fine little pills I take every night.

How can D fix this? Get the fuck off the internet, son. It’s not for you.



Oh the election!

It’s been a month now. I’ve been going back and forth between

and this




I really can’t decide which. Also, I cannot turn off the itallics for some reason so here we are!

Oh there we go! Off now, yay.

On the one hand, not that many countries can turn us into a smoldering ash heap and the ones that can seem to love them some Tr*mp. But on the other hand, there are plenty of countries WE can turn into a smoldering ash heap. And that is not good for anyone.

On the one hand, the activist base is fired up and we are talking #resistance which is something I have planned on for years (thought it would be the NeoCons, but it’s the NeoNazis. My bad). But on the other hand, what the hell can we really do? US Reps are gerrymandered into safe seats. We can maybe target our Senators, but how much power do they have given that filibustering has been limited?

Thus far my reaction has been to MAKE ART.

  • I’ve been cranking out storytelling ideas (since much of my life is aimlessly driving around, I can do this quite often). I am beyond honored to be telling at the Risk! storytelling night on December 15th at the Magic Bag.
  • I am shining up a book I started writing years and years ago with the hopes of shipping it to my agent (#humblebrag) in the new year. I am still writing locally, too!
  • I attended two separate artists meet ups and made some great connections, including someone who is attached to a performance art event scheduled for President’s Day 2017.
  • I am seriously thinking of creating a book for children and a book for teens explaining logical fallacies. (Yes, I have the Illustrated Book of Bad Arguments; it is not for kids). I feel like we need more of this in the world.
  • I am putting myself out there more, which can be painful but also exhilarating.




Like so many others, I am absolutely devastated by the election. This year started out so bright and has just dimmed to nothing. I’m working on something that I kind of want to turn into performance art of some kind but I don’t have know where to start and don’t really have the energy. It’s just a first draft and I want to do more…one day. I think it’s about having all of this privilege and thinking life will turn out one day both personally and for us all and then…not.



It was supposed to be me
Getting the hot shot government lawyer job
Litigating the cases that would save the world
Writing briefs that are quoted for years to come
Being able to retire early
Getting mentioned in a 30 Under 30 article
Meeting important politicians
Being the hero lawyer

It was supposed to be her
Getting sworn in on January 20
At the inauguration ball
Making the world better
Keeping the health care, the safety net, the help
Strengthening the country
Proving everyone wrong
Being the president who saved the world

It was supposed to be me
Getting the kids to learn to read
At the school for every game
Making the kids love math
Reaching the kids that others couldn’t
First one there, last one to leave
Number one champion for the kids
Being the beloved teacher

It was supposed to be us
Being the winners
Feeling equal
Knowing we can do it
Proving everyone wrong
Cheering in the streets
Celebrating on social media

It was supposed to be me
Having a bidding war for my book
Selling movie rights
Writing an instant classic
Being able to retire from one book
Getting an Academy Award for Best Screenplay
Meeting all the people
Being the iconic author

It was supposed to be women
It was supposed to be PoC
It was supposed to be LBGTQIt was supposed to be all incomes
It was supposed to be all religions
It was supposed to be immigrants
It was supposed to be good for ALL of us

It was supposed to be different

We did a Thing

Quite often, perhaps too much, I brag about my adopted hometown of Ann Arbor. But I want to say that there are things that are possible here that just are not possible anywhere else. To wit, I was just noodling around in my brain a few months ago and thought, “Oh hey! It’d be cool if we had a performance art thing–storytelling, comedy, whatever.”

Now in some places, this is where the idea would have died. But I know someone who owns an improv theater and brewery, two tastes that taste great together. And I just emailed her like “ha ha just had this crazy idea, maybe a woman only thing I don’t know” and she was all HELL YES THIS WILL HAPPEN!

And BOOM! Here it is, right here. HERsay.

These are crazy creative women. The breadth and scope of the talent was off the damn charts. And it was, and several people told me after, the perfect anecdote for this bullshit election season. Plus, we raised about $600 for Planned Parenthood.

We will do this again. I hope you can join us.

We Are Doing a Thing

Washtenaw County is blessed with extremely talented people. I was thinking about things a couple of months ago, and this thought entered my mind. Since my mind is like a three year old rabid porcupine on crack, it then bounced to other thoughts like “wow, we have lots of talented women in our midst” and “they do so many cool things” and “we should all get together” and “why is this election bringing out the worst in people” and “is that MY foot??! That’s what it looks like, really?”

So I shared an idea with our friends at Pointless Brewery & Theater and to my endless delight, co-owner Tori thought it was a great idea. I put the word out and BOOM! We are doing a thing!

It’s called HERsay and I wish I could link our cool flyer to it but it won’t let me, so you will have to click on here to see the awesomeness!

It is on November 10th at 7pm at the aforementioned Pointless (Packard and Platt for the locals). We will either start by celebrating our first female president, or we will chuck it all and plan our move to Iceland. (I kid. Sort of). You will get to see and hear some outstanding women–telling stories, telling jokes, doing performance art, showing off visual art, tapdancing, performing a play and there are even some very brave women who are going to read from their junior high/high school era journals.

Best part? The generous folks at Pointless are donating a substantial portion of ticket sales to our friends at Planned Parenthood.

Get your tickets now, and be ready for a rollicking time on November 10th!